Monday, July 2, 2007

Death and the Heart
I received word a few days ago that one of my longtime clients, an attractive vital man in his late 60's, had died suddenly. He'd been coming to me for readings for many years, and I often felt he used the sessions as a kind of socializing and nurturing, for he seemed a bit of a loner. He always wanted to change — to move from his small apartment, to get a job, to have more friends. He was no slouch — he'd been a successful chemist, traveled all over the world, lectured, and so on. But now he was restless, anxious, and I think, feeling rather purposeless. I saw his potential and many paths for his self-expression, but each one I suggested, he might try shallowly and briefly, but somehow it would fail or he'd have a "yes, but" that negated the flow of energy. In the last few months he began to complain of back and leg pain and I recommended a great osteopathic bodyworker, who he saw, but as usual, it didn't help for long. Then he had a cough, and I still didn't put two and two together, since he looked so vibrant, and it had been his habit to complain. The last time I saw him, only a little while ago, I was drawn to "lay it on the line" with him, and said he was right up on a huge life choice: either he had to take action on some of the things he said he wanted, in other words, actually decide what he wanted and express himself toward that newness, and release his energy, or it would turn in on itself and he would start dying. He took it well, and thanked me for being honest with him.

He made a few motions about finding a new place to live, but within weeks had stopped trying. He called to tell me someone had taken him to the hospital for tests, and he was waiting to find out if he had cancer. He was quite scared. I did my best to calm him, and asked that he call me in the morning to let me know. Next thing I know, he's died. Yikes! Of course, I have to examine myself: why did I not see it had become physical? I saw the energetic pattern clear as a bell. Perhaps I'm always looking for the positive spin? Not realistic enough? Would it have helped if he'd found out earlier? Or would it have meant a life in chemo and misery? Ohhhhhhhhhh. It's so hard to feel helpless! And I feel I must use this experience to help me better my own life; that's what he would want, I'm sure. To know he was valuable to me. But what helps the most? Believing in someone's potential? Speaking of the most realistic, materialistic actualities? Does the latter lock people in to a reality that goes nowhere and keeps them "down"? Does the soul's eye view avoid real issues and problems? There has to be a good balance here. . .

One thing for sure: we must keep expressing ourselves authentically, we must have courage to change and evolve, to live with surprise, in the heart, not just the scientific, rational head. Fear is so often the vibration of diseases, and they thrive in that culture, like mosquitoes love the swamp, and mold loves the fruit in the dark corner of my frig's hydrator drawer. I see that wherever I am like my client, where I have my excuses to not evolve, there is a foothold for degeneration.